Escape

Blue water
Rushing against
Warm sand,
A soft breeze
Gently,
    gently,
        gently
             Blowing in the night.

Black sky
Silently watching
O'er a blue moon
And sparkling stars
Blinking
    Twinkling
         Glittering
               Wishing in the night.

Clumsy

I saw it there,
Willed my foot to glide
Pass over the invisible seem
Graceful and Elegant
Then suddenly I'm falling
Clumsy and boisterous
Plummeting down
   Down, down
Rocky and rough
   Ragged and rambunctious
At one with the floor.

Holiday Season

One would think that Christmas was my favorite holiday... It is after all most people's favorite holiday--and it is such a beautiful holiday, branches intertwined with sparkling lights, dripping with extravagant ornaments. Not to mention, I love Christmas music. I must have 20 versions of every Christmas song; I have the instrumental, traditional, R&B, pop, rap, reggae, and country versions. I'm also not ashamed to blast them during random times of the year. 

Thankful

I want to be thankful,

Eat my turkey,
Enjoy the pie,
And stuff myself dizzy...
The table quivers--
Weak beneath our treasure
While just down the road
Bent over in pain
Swollen in hunger
And shivering in rain,
You stand alone.
Homeless--helplessly watching
A parade of unfinished meals
And a food artists'
     Architectural mastetpeice?
So the food falls hallow,
Tasteless in the pit of my stomach
Until we all sit here,
Fat in thanksgiving.

Vanellope

Vanellope Von Schweetz from Wreck It Ralph

Innocent
Annoyingly sweet
Sugary cartoon
So realistic
And yet
A fantasy far away...
Soda mountains
Ice cream hills
Pits of chocolate
Fall sweet--
And rise

In delicious treats.

Fire

Warm flames set in hot bricks
Atop gray ashes and black coal,
Orange light radiating forward
Untouchable beauty
    just beneath my fingertips--
Dance with me,
Around and around
Melt away the cold of the world
But keep your distance,
Shy away from my touch;
Linger in the distance
And be with me.

Strange Fate

Somewhere down the line
While the soil was being tilled
An old river was winding,
Cutting its path through rugged hills
Rain or shine, the soil keeps churning
The river keeps flowing
Misunderstood art etched in the countryside,
A presence of beauty and wisdom unknown.
Twist and twine, independent lives
Until entangled in mutal needs,
Cut back across desert lands
And in it plant new and unusual seeds.

A Piece of Me

The soft sound of rain
Slowly dripping--
   Dancing outside my window
Steady.
A constant hum lulling
A mother's lullaby
   Sweet sorrow intertwined
Steady.
Calm words and melodies
Formed from the pounding of drops
    Exploding upon my roof
Continue on through the night
Rock my cradle, repel my fears
Come steady me
    Gently in the night.

Humanity and Humility

Why do you hate me so,
What have I done to you
That you would despise me
And waste your greatest effort
Just to ensure I fail--
Why you treat me the way you do,
I could never understand--
A in a strange twist of fate
I wish upon a star
That I could aim your hatred
That same inhumane smirk
Those same ignorant thoughts

Right back to you,

But its not in my nature;

I am not basic,

Nor brainless,

Nor heartless,

I am human,

And in my humanity

I cannot understand,

Why do you hate me so?

Those Eyes

Dark,
Expressive
Full of joy and life
I look upon those eyes
And see everything I am...

Meditating,
I look for those eyes

Pay It Forward

Question after question

Answer after answer,

    I'm here.

Waiting and struggling,

Trying to make sense

Of someone else's trouble--

And may be I do,

Familiar

The familiar wag,
   of a familiar tail--
Greeted by a soft purr
and muted moos,
A naying in the air
Follows welcomed stares
Head butts and kisses
From old friends
Wondering where I've been...
I'm home again.

Heavy

Two tons of everything I've ever known

Balanced upon my back,

Perching, Waiting, Crushing...
This heaviness is an ancient feeling--
Settling first in my limbs,
Then slowly creepy to my mind...
Simple tasks become difficult
And every emotion overpowering
As though my body were waging war.
How until this burden is lifted?

Life of a Grad Student with a Life

If you're an avid follower, you probably realize I missed Monday's post, and Tuesday's post. Well, this week has been and is continuing to be quite the stress filled week. It's the end of the semester, so Tuesday I had a project due in one class and a quiz in the other (oh yeah, I had to read a paper for the quiz) and I had to read a paper for Seminar on Wednesday, plus give a demonstration. I have a project due tomorrow and an Exam as well. Plus two deadlines approaching (one on Friday and one on Monday) for my research. To add to the stress, this wonderful SC weather fluctuation has angered my sinuses and I've been sick as well. Did I mention I have super important sorority business to handle and one of my sorority sisters staying with me this week? Needless to say, even if I found a moment to write, my brain is a little fried right now. The Challenge will continue beginning Sunday and next week, I'll post two a day to make up for this week's failure.

Blind

Surrounded by insanity,

Trying not to judge,

But this whole thing 

Is beyond my mentality.

You're talking like you know 

But in reality, you're just making noise.

And it's sad you don't know the difference--

I would pity you,

If you weren't so arrogant...

Laugh a little, I wish I could,

Yet I'm annoyed and over it.

The blind is leading the blind--

And I don't know why,

But the blind listen to the blind

Because they can't see.

Any Human to Another

*NOTE: Countee Cullen is one of my favorite writers; he also wrote a poem called Any Human to Another (click here to read). I didn't want to title my poem with the same title but I couldn't think of anything more fitting... Perhaps it'll come to me at a later date.

Sometimes I understand you,
But most days I don't--
We're from two different worlds,
Taking two different paths
And yet, I see you daily...
You and I are so different,
No likenesses, no common ground,
What you enjoy, I detest
And what brings me joy, you reject.
But for all your strangeness--
I see you there in the mirror,
Somehow still apart of me.

Disillusionment

Who are you?
You can't find a single moment
A single object,
A single thought or feeling
To make you smile
And you mock us for enjoying life?
You would belittle our sentiment
Boast your arrogance
Call us ignorant and cast us off
Because you forgot
The feel of joy?

Who are you?
That you would wish upon us
The same pathetic world
Of complaint and doubt,
Bad news and disillusionment
Simply because you left beauty behind?
May you walk alone
Bereft in your bitterness,
I will not join you,
I will not care.

The Ancient Art of Buying CDs

Fanmail -- my first "explicit" CD

Remember when you had to actually go to the store and physically purchase a CD? I actually remember buying cassette tapes, too, but this post is about CDs! I remember my very first CD, it was the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack; I was about 8 years old and you could not tell me that Whitney Huston wasn't the best singer in the world. Since that album features her songs heavily, my parents bought it and put it in my Christmas stocking. It's strange how music and memories blur together...

For instance, yesterday, I found the Doctor Dolittle soundtrack in my car--another movie I never actually watched, but love the soundtrack. As soon as the music began to play, I was back in my bedroom dancing around and singing at the top of my lungs. Then I recall the first time I ever called into a radio station to request a song (Are you that Somebody--Aaliyah) during the request hour. They never played the song, so my mom agreed to buy the CD. 

With my CDs I see them, I hear them, and I remember specific events and even whole time periods of my life. I can identify when the CD came out based on whether they're edited or not, because the store actually checked if you were 17 or not. Conversely, I can't remember a thing about my iTunes and Google Play purchases.  I thought about this riding in my car and felt immensely sad that one day, people probably won't know what CDs are--they'll be in the pile with Vinyl, Cassettes, Floppy Disk... 

It makes me wonder what small joys existed 500 years ago that we've long forgotten?

Progress

You don't want me to succeed?
Fine--
Push me in the ditch,
We can wrestle there.
Me struggling to succeed,
You trying to hold me back--

Home

My home is a nest,
Nestled high in the cliff's stone,
Haphazardly built, but strong
Comfortable and weathered,
Overlooking the canyon deep.

My home is a penthouse suite,
Adorned in modern finery,
Plush couches and designer art--
Beautiful and luxurious,
Overlooking the hustle of the city street.

My home is a hut,
At one with nature's surround,
Roughed in the coming winds,
Plain and simple,
Overlooking nature's calm retreat.

Selfish

There's a melody playing in my head
Sweet notes drifting through my mind,
I can't quite put them to the pen
To establish existence to their lovely tune
Or understand their rhythmic cadence
To breathe life into their powerful words.
So I hum a tune, the best I know how
But its just not right; I can't get it out.

Turn Up

When the pressure gets too much
You reach for the the bottle,
Swirl a mysterious liquid
Turn it up and knock it back...
It may burn for a little
But then the pain is gone
And you forget what brought you here.

What Now? TV Troubles

One of my favorite shows currently airing is The CW's The Vampire Diaries. It's based on a book series (written well before the Twilight Series I might add), and like most things geared toward the younger crowd on TV today its mostly relationship drama with a perfectly made up cast. Why do I like this show? I don't know, probably because there's at least one fight scene in ever episode and the action scenes are pretty awesome.

Anyway, a cursory glance over TVD message boards and you will quickly find complaints and accusations of racism concerning the show, followed by rebuttals, debates and other such tiring activities. Which brings us back to the question of why do I like this show, and on to the question of do I agree that it's racist? 

Well... The reason I chose this topic for today's blog post is because I think it's an issue that plagues most "mainstream" shows today. 

The root of the problem is that for some reason, when it comes to Black people (well minorities in general), we take one character and it automatically represents everyone. If there is one Black character on a show, everything that character says, does, and wears is assumed to represent all Black people for some reason. Logically, most people will agree that it this is absurd, but it doesn't stop people from reacting as though this were fact. The first accusations of TVD's racism stemmed from this very fact. 

There are only two major characters on the show who are not White/Caucasian (I'm never sure of  PC terms these days): Bonnie Bennett, played by Kat Graham and Tyler Lockwood, played by Michael Trevino. 

Let's start with Tyler Lockwood:

Tyler starts off as a minor character, filling the role the school bully, jock, and all around pain in the butt. Later (I think around the second season), he is promoted to a major character when it turns out that his family carries the werewolf curse, which he triggers and becomes a werewolf. Eventually he is turned into a vampire-werewolf hybrid. One thing leads to another and behold he has a massive revenge plot for the show's ex-villain and is now M.I.A. with guarantees to appear on the spinoff show.

So what's wrong with his character? Well the standard argument is that Michael Trevino is Mexican, while is character is clearly supposed to be White. What would it hurt to cast family members who were also of Mexican descent and show them as a Mexican-American family? Hmm...well when you add in the fact that Tyler's father and then (in his father's death) mother also play the role of town Mayor, it starts to look a little fishy. Of course if you skip to season 5 they do allow a Black man to take on the role of mayor for about 3 episodes until he's murdered by season 5's villain... 

In the case of Tyler Lockwood, very little is said by way of racism--possibly because people are unaware of the fact that Michael Trevino is Mexican. Possibly because if he doesn't mind playing a White character why should we? On the bright side, at least his character isn't forced to speak with a fake accent and speak random Spanish for no apparent reason. Conversely, it looks like his time may be up on the show.

And on to Bonnie Bennett:

The show has caught most of its flack here. Bonnie Bennett is the resident witch, who's only purpose on the show appears to be a "miss-fix-it." In season 1, Bonnie had a grandmother (played by Jasmine Guy), who died trying to help the main characters complete a spell. It wasn't until the middle/end of season 3 that we met Bonnie's mother (played by Persia White) who skipped town on Bonnie to save Bonnie's best friend's life. She sticks around only long enough to be turned into a vampire (also to save Bonnie's friends) and skips town again. Finally in season 4 we meet Bonnie's father, who presumably has been taking care of her since season 2. While the other characters are shown at home with their families often, we don't see Bonnie's home until season 4. The complaint here is the lack of character development of course; she's just tossed to the side for no reason. 

For awhile people complained that all the witches on the show were Black. Of course most of the witches on the show have been related to Bonnie, so it stands to reason that they'd be Black. TVD quickly countered this with the addition of White witches, most of whom have disappeared from TVD now but are abundant in the spinoff series. Unfortunately, it didn't change the fact Bonnie's only story lines are about helping her friends. Most recently, she died trying to bring her best friend's brother back from the dead. She covered up her death with the help of the boy she brought back from the dead, and no one missed her until they needed her to fix something. It's quite frustrating to watch actually.

Compound that with the fact that almost all of the Black characters to occur on TVD are lighter skinned Blacks (Robert Ri'chard, Bryton James, Kendrick Sampson, to name a few), and you're bound to have people in an uproar. 

I started off pretty much ignoring it. To some extent you can't win in America. If you make the Black girl a witch, it goes back to voodoo and racial stereotypes. If you make her a vampire, it's demonizing. If you make her a werewolf, you turn her in to a beast (again, racial stereotypes). If you leave her as a human, she's not special, she's useless, why can't the Black girl have supernatural powers too? See what I mean? Sometimes it's best to just let it go. But the character of Bonnie Bennett has become increasingly more difficult to watch now that she's dead watching over her friends. 

On the one hand, I want to give the studio the benefit of the doubt; as I said early on, why should one character represent what the studio thinks of all Black people? In terms of killing off non-major characters, I don't particularly think Black people die any more than others on the show (pretty much everyone dies). Of course, they haven't brought any Asian characters back on the show since season one... It would be nice to see some more diversity on the show--particular some darker Black people. Though I wouldn't call this racism so much as discrimination/prejudice. As I think about it I realize that it's so much more than a race issue. Everyone on the show is considered "hot" (though I don't agree with many on that topic, most think the leads are all "hot"). Is the lack of diversity a sign that the network thinks minorities are not "hot?" Why does everyone have to be "hot?" And if she made the "hot" list, why can't Bonnie get a decent story line?

*sigh*

The perils of thinking, once again torment me. Perhaps I'll pick up a good book once again.

Idealist

So many ideas
Filtering through my mind
Passing by in hazy blurs
Snapshots of painted pictures
And troubled glimpses--
Feelings, images, words
Intertwined in some
Indecipherable fairy tale.
My mind is drunk with feeling
My mouth has yet to process
And my vocal cords
Unable to articulate...

Darkness

Darkness falls silently,
Subduing me in my cradle
Find me withering away...
The fear of darkness,
Dark, opaque blackness,
Sullen and familiar beauty,
Why should I fear you?
Fall over me,
Fill my cradle with strength.

Volatile

Intelligent words lost
Behind brown eyes and glass
And a sea of random thoughts;
Find me at a loss of intensity.
Beautiful meaningless words
Escaping in clouded form
Volatile rain dancing from me to you
In some fantastic, clumsy tango ...
Unashamed and unconcerned
Unaware and unprepared,
Unguarded there in your eyes.

Citizen

Is this how its going to be forever?
Me seeing you, You seeing me
But never seeing each other--
Empty promises and unfit lies...
Words draining from somewhere cold?
Will you ever care for me,
...as if I mattered
Respect and protect me--
Who am I to you?
You to me?

Inner Strength

Who gave you power to belittle me?
To dig your nails under my skin
With infantile words and insults?
Your permission has been revoked--
Go away, you have no power here

Autumn Leaves

First, you turn wicked shades of red
Deep oranges intermingled with
Beautiful, bright, bursts of brilliant yellow--
A permanent sunset cascading
    from mountain high
    to valley low.
Of colors, rich with ripened wisdom
Grown from branches older than time.

Then, in the frost of chilled winds
You wither,  shrivel away and rot--
A masterpiece lost to the world
Well-wished whispers whisked away
     walked over with heavy feet
     stamped and buried in thick soil
And forgotten in the nakedness
Of crooked branches erected high.

Alternate Reality

If I hadn't known the other students in my class--growing up with most of them since we were in diapers--I would have though we had assigned seats Elizabeth and Anne, the only Pinks in the school aside from Eva, were sitting together on the front middle of the class room. Anne, sporting a new Chanel purse and Elizabeth, debuting a pair of heart shaped earrings made from dangling diamonds, were noticeably set apart from the rest of the class with an empty chair on either side of them. Mark, Paul, and Richard--the class Grays--were seated behind the ritzy pair, each donning their own twist on preppy-chic. The left side of the room was predominately Blue, with the right transitioning into Green. In the far corner, possibly forgotten by everyone else were the last two seats: one for me and one for Courtnee. Courtnee, who conveniently arrived just behind me, was the other oddball of the class. A Black, with ebony skin, cinnamon colored hair, and hazel eyes, in theory, it was hard to miss Courtnee sitting in the sea of Blue and Green, and slightly less so, with the slightest tint of Blue reflecting in my skin, my Purple skin was ostensibly another eye catcher in the room. Strangely, the opposite had proven true; in all of our years in school together, Courtnee and I seemed to exist in our own little world within the class. They rarely spoke to us, and quite frankly, I didn't mind the exclusion. I made my way to the seat, with little acknowledgement from my peers, and let my bag fall to the floor with a silent thud. 

Today

int Productivity ( ) {
     percent_of_work_done = 0;
     for(hour time = 8am; time < midnight; start++) {
           if ( progress at time )
                increment percent_of_work_done;
     }
     return percent_of_work_done;
}