True Vine

Days run together

Like vines in the forest

Distinguished by flowers

Maybe a leaf or a thorn

Continuously flowing

Withering and growing

Rooted far in the past

Another Story Excerpt

People didn't join The Herd often--no one was supposed to know it existed--and those that did were often born in to herd life. To show knowledge of The Herd was a danger to my life both from the government and The Herd. To seek out someone I knew to be a member of The Herd would be instantaneous death. No, The Herd was not like taking a job or joining an organization and I couldn't simply inquire within. It was a way of life, and a dangerous one at that, in which people were not just fighting in some petty gang war over illegal operatives but a silenced political movement stuck in a bloody stalemate. Not everyone was cut out for that life; not everyone believed in something so strongly, nor understand the balance between action and sentiment. To be a member of The Herd, you had to be totally seamless with The Herd. Few were cut out for that lifestyle, and even fewer possessed the qualities The Herd leaders would want influencing the movement. That's why you had to be chosen to be a part of it. The matter of deciding to join was supposed to be reactionary not an initiative.

Sixth Sense

Steady and loyal,

Curled up by my feet

And I wonder what lies there

Behind big round eyes

So full --

Over run 

Unspoken words linger

And I long to hear

That which my senses

Forbid and ignore

Untold Story

Rolling hills of golden dunes
Far away in a far off land
Swirling in my furthest thoughts

Boldly colored life forms
Of foreign majesty
Dancing through my mind

Running over with emotion

Action filled sequences
Unfolding before my eyes

Tangible Thoughts

Incoherent--
A thought, a feeling
Just past the ebbing tides
In the sea of consciousness;
Lying there,
Just beyond my reach
Drifting closer
Rolling away,
Wave after wave...

My fingers brush
It's transparency,
Fall short
Awed at the softness
Of thin air,
Pawing yet
For something tangible
Sailing off to sea
Farther in the distance
Away and away.

Following the Crowd

I've always been one of those people that hates the idea of doing something because everyone else is doing it, which often leads to me being the oddball. The first time I realized this was in middle school when the Harry Potter series took off. I read the first chapter of the first book--it wasn't bad, it wasn't great, but people were going on and on and on about Harry Potter. It drove me crazy! It did not make me want to continue reading, it just made me think they were all just following each other. I see it all the time, people jump on a bandwagon and follow the latest trends; some of these trends may be great things, but often I see people doing things to just fit in.

Straight Shot

Blank,
Wide open space
Free roads
Unobstructed
Unhinged
Flat, unwinding
Asphalt meeting
Blue skies
Stretching
In the distance

Belonging

People search
For a nook, a cranny
Where they can curl up--
Hide away
And just belong;
They bend themselves
To fit in hollow boxes
Crippled to their shape
Just to belong;
There's some comfort there
In the walls of
Some hollow box
That people yearn for
And die for...

Memories

Thoughts drift,
To times less complex,
To faces, to memories
To people I miss
And images fade
Over time, worn away
Wait for the pieces
To reappear.

Flowers & Weeds

A weed,
Brought up as a flower
Knowing nothing of it's origins
Just as a flower
Shamed to the depths
Of the weed...
A bold and crippling infection
Of perfection and imperfection
Living life blindly,
Tilling the soil,
Growing exactly the same,
Unaware of the truth.

Weather

Unpredictable inconvenience,
First you're hot,
Then you're cold;
Let me shiver in my hoodie
Then bake golden in the heat
Drown me in rain
And batter me in wind
All before a spring snow...
I'm trying to keep up
Body's trying to react
But my reflexes are to slow
And you're temper
Ever changing.

Storytime

My life isn't a story,
It isn't full of conflict
Or involve knick of time resolutions;
There is no evil villain
I desperately need to thwart;
I have no fairy godmother,

Rap Queen

Back when we were running in the race

Trading rhymes and calling shots

Worried about the dopest flow

And covering the hottest beats...

Pen to paper, paper to throne

Cause when a woman is queen

Her voice is the sword.

Reflection of the Past

Dirt, caked on dark fingers
Scarred and calloused,
Bare and bruised--
The same gentle fingers
Softly braiding my hair...

EcoCity

Grass and cement meet,
The smooth curves
Of man's artistic creation
Intertwined with nature's chaos
Deliberateness born
Of unpredictable beauty.
Limbs and leaves
Wind above towers
And lose track
Of where man ends

Storm of Life

Storms build over our sea
Waxing and waning
Coming and going--
They rain down their terror
Disrupt our thoughts
Wreak havoc on our stability
Plunge us in to the filth

Full Moon

Mr. moon, high in the sky--
Bright, luminescent watcher of the night
Speak to me; tell me a secret or two
As you gaze upon me from above.
Tell me what you see,
What you know, what you believe...
Shine a little light on my existence
Warm me in your glow--
Wipe away the shadows
Of my distance memories...

A Programmer's Christmas

On the twelfth day of Christmas
My true love sent to me
12 spam viruses
11 data structures
10 optional languages
9 logic tables

Twelve

A strange and even number
Marked with meaning,
It appears and appears
And reappears,
What power lies therein?
Unity, where one meets two

Speed of Light

Transcend the light,
Beyond the void,
Faster than the mind can imagine,
Can you escape?
Or do you fall victim
And let the mystery
Overwhelm your illusions--
What's behind the veil?

Beware: the Rant

I read a disturbing article today (a video of the news clip is below). It's from 2009, but I just saw it today and it bothers me to no end. There's just so much wrong, I don't know where to begin!

The case is centered around an elementary student who's teacher "became frustrated" and cut off part of one of the little girl's braids. SAY WHAT?

Forget the commentary on race, gender, etc. that is undoubtedly connected to this issue for a second. My first question is if the teacher was "frustrated" why didn't she send the girl to detention or the principal's office!? Is that not the proper protocol for students misbehaving in class? The article says the little girl was playing with her hair, which I don't classify as misbehaving, but then why was the teacher frustrated!?

Ok, now that we've pointed out how absolutely idiotic the entire notion is, on to other issues. The comments below the article were atrocious. One comment-er makes the excuse that perhaps the teacher didn't know it was her real hair "because Black people wear weave." O_O The assumption that all Black people wear weave is problem one. The assumption that your weave is not your personal property is problem number two (it costs a nice fortune for weave braids!). The justification of invading a child's personal space, cutting her hair (natural or otherwise) and thus damaging her physical appearance is the culmination of problems. I couldn't decide which made me madder: the teacher or the ignorance in the comments.

My little cousins wear braids like this to school all the time. I wore braids like this when I was a kid. As someone who thoroughly dislikes being around children I have never thought to do something like this to a child... Who are we letting teach our kids? Why is this acceptable? And can I cut her child's hair--better yet, can I cut the teacher's hair?

Scared

Inescapable blue walls
Closing in tight around me--
A small window,
    A sliver of light,
Raised high before me
Just above my fingertips...
Trembling in and out of focus
Opening and shutting
In the sway of the wind.
Cold air, like a vacuum
Beating my will to shame
And I shiver.

Remnants of Humanity

Every word spewing from your mouth,
Every stroke from the keyboard,
Fills me with rage--
Logic says you deserve to suffer
Your complaints are meaningless trifles
Shallow whinning from privelged misguidance

A Vision Deferred

A wise old woman
Born of a foolish young girl,
Battered, beaten, and broken
Risen from black ashes
She found Life.
Even ugly and bruised
Her heart reached out
Conscious and concerned
She uttered words of gold
And spun diamonds
With each burdened step--
But we reject her
In awe of distant glitter
The unreachable shimmer
Of Death's forsaken isle,
We watch her treasures sink
Drifting further and further away,
Buried--
Under turbulent blue waves
And salty white foam.

A Different Hero

Shades of black
Layered across the screen
Tattoos and piercings
Eyes behind heavy eyeliner
And I wonder where
This image forms--
The angelic bad boy
Some twist of fantasy
A million dollar empire
Of good vs. evil
Cloaked in shadow.

One of the 1/2 man 1/2 angel characters of The Mortal Instruments Series (great books btw)

Constant

They told me I should leave you
I should walk away
And never look back--
You're no good for me,
I'll regret you someday...
But there's just so much about you
That makes me happy--
They just can't seem to see.
May be I'm in denial,
So for now, just let us be.

I actually wrote this poem about Pepsi, but it's quite applicable to many situations don't you think?

Be You, Do You, Love You

I woke up thinking, why am I here?
I woke up thinking, I must be crazy...
And then it dawned on me: I woke up.

It's strange how little things, simple, seemingly inconsequential things, can be so powerful. 

There was a time when I worried--rather I felt like I needed to prove myself.  The funny thing was that I didn't fully understand my own actions, or worry. I had no desire

Alienated

Half of what you say,
Is empty to me--
You don't understand my words
Because I'm seeing something
You just can't see.
Is it a hallucination--
    Wishful thinking,
    Dreams on shooting stars?
Or is it real,
    Something I can touch
    Something I can feel.
Way off in the distance
So close and yet so far
I see it there,
An answer just off the horizon
Sparkling, shining
Beautiful in simple elegance.
I see it there,
All alone,
Just like me.

Misconception

Everyone knows whats best for me--
You can't tell me my favorite color,
What keeps me up at night,
Not even what type of food I like,
But you know me.
You know who I am,
And somehow you figure you know
Who I'm suppose to be
And who's the compliment to my me--
Slow down.
Step back.
I am not a victim of your misconceptions
Not here for your suspicions
You conclusions or intuitions;
I am not who you say I am.

Untitled Sci-Fi Prose

Earth is a relic of the past; a distant memory of long forgotten sights, sounds, and smells, incinerated before our very eyes. Now, drifting to through the void of space--an endless gloom of darkness with pockets of light scattered in every direction--we were the last of human civilization. Awaiting our own slow death amongst the stars, unsure if life existed anywhere outside the hull of our faulty space ship, we cruised through the galaxy in hopeless wonder.

Wings

Wings of steel and iron
Fold gently in the wind
Cut through strong gusts
With precision and grace
While unfamiliar terrain
     Unfolds below
Grassy meadows and plains
Peaks and valleys--
Sometimes high; sometimes low.
But constant and unchanging
Under the wind's forceful slap,
Strong and unaffected
These wings stay a loft
A question unanswered
But this  bird still flies.

Ominous

Silence cut by the ringing of the bell
A low chime lingering in the air
As the sound dissipates, another chime,
Just enough time for your mind to wander
Just enough silence for so soul to quiver
Just enough sound for you heart to warm,

Ding...

The last breath of a life stolen

Ding...

Another minute passing

Ding...

Escape

Blue water
Rushing against
Warm sand,
A soft breeze
Gently,
    gently,
        gently
             Blowing in the night.

Black sky
Silently watching
O'er a blue moon
And sparkling stars
Blinking
    Twinkling
         Glittering
               Wishing in the night.

Clumsy

I saw it there,
Willed my foot to glide
Pass over the invisible seem
Graceful and Elegant
Then suddenly I'm falling
Clumsy and boisterous
Plummeting down
   Down, down
Rocky and rough
   Ragged and rambunctious
At one with the floor.

Holiday Season

One would think that Christmas was my favorite holiday... It is after all most people's favorite holiday--and it is such a beautiful holiday, branches intertwined with sparkling lights, dripping with extravagant ornaments. Not to mention, I love Christmas music. I must have 20 versions of every Christmas song; I have the instrumental, traditional, R&B, pop, rap, reggae, and country versions. I'm also not ashamed to blast them during random times of the year. 

Thankful

I want to be thankful,

Eat my turkey,
Enjoy the pie,
And stuff myself dizzy...
The table quivers--
Weak beneath our treasure
While just down the road
Bent over in pain
Swollen in hunger
And shivering in rain,
You stand alone.
Homeless--helplessly watching
A parade of unfinished meals
And a food artists'
     Architectural mastetpeice?
So the food falls hallow,
Tasteless in the pit of my stomach
Until we all sit here,
Fat in thanksgiving.

Vanellope

Vanellope Von Schweetz from Wreck It Ralph

Innocent
Annoyingly sweet
Sugary cartoon
So realistic
And yet
A fantasy far away...
Soda mountains
Ice cream hills
Pits of chocolate
Fall sweet--
And rise

In delicious treats.

Fire

Warm flames set in hot bricks
Atop gray ashes and black coal,
Orange light radiating forward
Untouchable beauty
    just beneath my fingertips--
Dance with me,
Around and around
Melt away the cold of the world
But keep your distance,
Shy away from my touch;
Linger in the distance
And be with me.

Strange Fate

Somewhere down the line
While the soil was being tilled
An old river was winding,
Cutting its path through rugged hills
Rain or shine, the soil keeps churning
The river keeps flowing
Misunderstood art etched in the countryside,
A presence of beauty and wisdom unknown.
Twist and twine, independent lives
Until entangled in mutal needs,
Cut back across desert lands
And in it plant new and unusual seeds.

A Piece of Me

The soft sound of rain
Slowly dripping--
   Dancing outside my window
Steady.
A constant hum lulling
A mother's lullaby
   Sweet sorrow intertwined
Steady.
Calm words and melodies
Formed from the pounding of drops
    Exploding upon my roof
Continue on through the night
Rock my cradle, repel my fears
Come steady me
    Gently in the night.

Humanity and Humility

Why do you hate me so,
What have I done to you
That you would despise me
And waste your greatest effort
Just to ensure I fail--
Why you treat me the way you do,
I could never understand--
A in a strange twist of fate
I wish upon a star
That I could aim your hatred
That same inhumane smirk
Those same ignorant thoughts

Right back to you,

But its not in my nature;

I am not basic,

Nor brainless,

Nor heartless,

I am human,

And in my humanity

I cannot understand,

Why do you hate me so?

Those Eyes

Dark,
Expressive
Full of joy and life
I look upon those eyes
And see everything I am...

Meditating,
I look for those eyes

Pay It Forward

Question after question

Answer after answer,

    I'm here.

Waiting and struggling,

Trying to make sense

Of someone else's trouble--

And may be I do,

Familiar

The familiar wag,
   of a familiar tail--
Greeted by a soft purr
and muted moos,
A naying in the air
Follows welcomed stares
Head butts and kisses
From old friends
Wondering where I've been...
I'm home again.

Heavy

Two tons of everything I've ever known

Balanced upon my back,

Perching, Waiting, Crushing...
This heaviness is an ancient feeling--
Settling first in my limbs,
Then slowly creepy to my mind...
Simple tasks become difficult
And every emotion overpowering
As though my body were waging war.
How until this burden is lifted?

Life of a Grad Student with a Life

If you're an avid follower, you probably realize I missed Monday's post, and Tuesday's post. Well, this week has been and is continuing to be quite the stress filled week. It's the end of the semester, so Tuesday I had a project due in one class and a quiz in the other (oh yeah, I had to read a paper for the quiz) and I had to read a paper for Seminar on Wednesday, plus give a demonstration. I have a project due tomorrow and an Exam as well. Plus two deadlines approaching (one on Friday and one on Monday) for my research. To add to the stress, this wonderful SC weather fluctuation has angered my sinuses and I've been sick as well. Did I mention I have super important sorority business to handle and one of my sorority sisters staying with me this week? Needless to say, even if I found a moment to write, my brain is a little fried right now. The Challenge will continue beginning Sunday and next week, I'll post two a day to make up for this week's failure.

Blind

Surrounded by insanity,

Trying not to judge,

But this whole thing 

Is beyond my mentality.

You're talking like you know 

But in reality, you're just making noise.

And it's sad you don't know the difference--

I would pity you,

If you weren't so arrogant...

Laugh a little, I wish I could,

Yet I'm annoyed and over it.

The blind is leading the blind--

And I don't know why,

But the blind listen to the blind

Because they can't see.

Any Human to Another

*NOTE: Countee Cullen is one of my favorite writers; he also wrote a poem called Any Human to Another (click here to read). I didn't want to title my poem with the same title but I couldn't think of anything more fitting... Perhaps it'll come to me at a later date.

Sometimes I understand you,
But most days I don't--
We're from two different worlds,
Taking two different paths
And yet, I see you daily...
You and I are so different,
No likenesses, no common ground,
What you enjoy, I detest
And what brings me joy, you reject.
But for all your strangeness--
I see you there in the mirror,
Somehow still apart of me.

Disillusionment

Who are you?
You can't find a single moment
A single object,
A single thought or feeling
To make you smile
And you mock us for enjoying life?
You would belittle our sentiment
Boast your arrogance
Call us ignorant and cast us off
Because you forgot
The feel of joy?

Who are you?
That you would wish upon us
The same pathetic world
Of complaint and doubt,
Bad news and disillusionment
Simply because you left beauty behind?
May you walk alone
Bereft in your bitterness,
I will not join you,
I will not care.

The Ancient Art of Buying CDs

Fanmail -- my first "explicit" CD

Remember when you had to actually go to the store and physically purchase a CD? I actually remember buying cassette tapes, too, but this post is about CDs! I remember my very first CD, it was the Waiting to Exhale soundtrack; I was about 8 years old and you could not tell me that Whitney Huston wasn't the best singer in the world. Since that album features her songs heavily, my parents bought it and put it in my Christmas stocking. It's strange how music and memories blur together...

For instance, yesterday, I found the Doctor Dolittle soundtrack in my car--another movie I never actually watched, but love the soundtrack. As soon as the music began to play, I was back in my bedroom dancing around and singing at the top of my lungs. Then I recall the first time I ever called into a radio station to request a song (Are you that Somebody--Aaliyah) during the request hour. They never played the song, so my mom agreed to buy the CD. 

With my CDs I see them, I hear them, and I remember specific events and even whole time periods of my life. I can identify when the CD came out based on whether they're edited or not, because the store actually checked if you were 17 or not. Conversely, I can't remember a thing about my iTunes and Google Play purchases.  I thought about this riding in my car and felt immensely sad that one day, people probably won't know what CDs are--they'll be in the pile with Vinyl, Cassettes, Floppy Disk... 

It makes me wonder what small joys existed 500 years ago that we've long forgotten?

Progress

You don't want me to succeed?
Fine--
Push me in the ditch,
We can wrestle there.
Me struggling to succeed,
You trying to hold me back--

Home

My home is a nest,
Nestled high in the cliff's stone,
Haphazardly built, but strong
Comfortable and weathered,
Overlooking the canyon deep.

My home is a penthouse suite,
Adorned in modern finery,
Plush couches and designer art--
Beautiful and luxurious,
Overlooking the hustle of the city street.

My home is a hut,
At one with nature's surround,
Roughed in the coming winds,
Plain and simple,
Overlooking nature's calm retreat.

Selfish

There's a melody playing in my head
Sweet notes drifting through my mind,
I can't quite put them to the pen
To establish existence to their lovely tune
Or understand their rhythmic cadence
To breathe life into their powerful words.
So I hum a tune, the best I know how
But its just not right; I can't get it out.

Turn Up

When the pressure gets too much
You reach for the the bottle,
Swirl a mysterious liquid
Turn it up and knock it back...
It may burn for a little
But then the pain is gone
And you forget what brought you here.

What Now? TV Troubles

One of my favorite shows currently airing is The CW's The Vampire Diaries. It's based on a book series (written well before the Twilight Series I might add), and like most things geared toward the younger crowd on TV today its mostly relationship drama with a perfectly made up cast. Why do I like this show? I don't know, probably because there's at least one fight scene in ever episode and the action scenes are pretty awesome.

Anyway, a cursory glance over TVD message boards and you will quickly find complaints and accusations of racism concerning the show, followed by rebuttals, debates and other such tiring activities. Which brings us back to the question of why do I like this show, and on to the question of do I agree that it's racist? 

Well... The reason I chose this topic for today's blog post is because I think it's an issue that plagues most "mainstream" shows today. 

The root of the problem is that for some reason, when it comes to Black people (well minorities in general), we take one character and it automatically represents everyone. If there is one Black character on a show, everything that character says, does, and wears is assumed to represent all Black people for some reason. Logically, most people will agree that it this is absurd, but it doesn't stop people from reacting as though this were fact. The first accusations of TVD's racism stemmed from this very fact. 

There are only two major characters on the show who are not White/Caucasian (I'm never sure of  PC terms these days): Bonnie Bennett, played by Kat Graham and Tyler Lockwood, played by Michael Trevino. 

Let's start with Tyler Lockwood:

Tyler starts off as a minor character, filling the role the school bully, jock, and all around pain in the butt. Later (I think around the second season), he is promoted to a major character when it turns out that his family carries the werewolf curse, which he triggers and becomes a werewolf. Eventually he is turned into a vampire-werewolf hybrid. One thing leads to another and behold he has a massive revenge plot for the show's ex-villain and is now M.I.A. with guarantees to appear on the spinoff show.

So what's wrong with his character? Well the standard argument is that Michael Trevino is Mexican, while is character is clearly supposed to be White. What would it hurt to cast family members who were also of Mexican descent and show them as a Mexican-American family? Hmm...well when you add in the fact that Tyler's father and then (in his father's death) mother also play the role of town Mayor, it starts to look a little fishy. Of course if you skip to season 5 they do allow a Black man to take on the role of mayor for about 3 episodes until he's murdered by season 5's villain... 

In the case of Tyler Lockwood, very little is said by way of racism--possibly because people are unaware of the fact that Michael Trevino is Mexican. Possibly because if he doesn't mind playing a White character why should we? On the bright side, at least his character isn't forced to speak with a fake accent and speak random Spanish for no apparent reason. Conversely, it looks like his time may be up on the show.

And on to Bonnie Bennett:

The show has caught most of its flack here. Bonnie Bennett is the resident witch, who's only purpose on the show appears to be a "miss-fix-it." In season 1, Bonnie had a grandmother (played by Jasmine Guy), who died trying to help the main characters complete a spell. It wasn't until the middle/end of season 3 that we met Bonnie's mother (played by Persia White) who skipped town on Bonnie to save Bonnie's best friend's life. She sticks around only long enough to be turned into a vampire (also to save Bonnie's friends) and skips town again. Finally in season 4 we meet Bonnie's father, who presumably has been taking care of her since season 2. While the other characters are shown at home with their families often, we don't see Bonnie's home until season 4. The complaint here is the lack of character development of course; she's just tossed to the side for no reason. 

For awhile people complained that all the witches on the show were Black. Of course most of the witches on the show have been related to Bonnie, so it stands to reason that they'd be Black. TVD quickly countered this with the addition of White witches, most of whom have disappeared from TVD now but are abundant in the spinoff series. Unfortunately, it didn't change the fact Bonnie's only story lines are about helping her friends. Most recently, she died trying to bring her best friend's brother back from the dead. She covered up her death with the help of the boy she brought back from the dead, and no one missed her until they needed her to fix something. It's quite frustrating to watch actually.

Compound that with the fact that almost all of the Black characters to occur on TVD are lighter skinned Blacks (Robert Ri'chard, Bryton James, Kendrick Sampson, to name a few), and you're bound to have people in an uproar. 

I started off pretty much ignoring it. To some extent you can't win in America. If you make the Black girl a witch, it goes back to voodoo and racial stereotypes. If you make her a vampire, it's demonizing. If you make her a werewolf, you turn her in to a beast (again, racial stereotypes). If you leave her as a human, she's not special, she's useless, why can't the Black girl have supernatural powers too? See what I mean? Sometimes it's best to just let it go. But the character of Bonnie Bennett has become increasingly more difficult to watch now that she's dead watching over her friends. 

On the one hand, I want to give the studio the benefit of the doubt; as I said early on, why should one character represent what the studio thinks of all Black people? In terms of killing off non-major characters, I don't particularly think Black people die any more than others on the show (pretty much everyone dies). Of course, they haven't brought any Asian characters back on the show since season one... It would be nice to see some more diversity on the show--particular some darker Black people. Though I wouldn't call this racism so much as discrimination/prejudice. As I think about it I realize that it's so much more than a race issue. Everyone on the show is considered "hot" (though I don't agree with many on that topic, most think the leads are all "hot"). Is the lack of diversity a sign that the network thinks minorities are not "hot?" Why does everyone have to be "hot?" And if she made the "hot" list, why can't Bonnie get a decent story line?

*sigh*

The perils of thinking, once again torment me. Perhaps I'll pick up a good book once again.

Idealist

So many ideas
Filtering through my mind
Passing by in hazy blurs
Snapshots of painted pictures
And troubled glimpses--
Feelings, images, words
Intertwined in some
Indecipherable fairy tale.
My mind is drunk with feeling
My mouth has yet to process
And my vocal cords
Unable to articulate...

Darkness

Darkness falls silently,
Subduing me in my cradle
Find me withering away...
The fear of darkness,
Dark, opaque blackness,
Sullen and familiar beauty,
Why should I fear you?
Fall over me,
Fill my cradle with strength.

Volatile

Intelligent words lost
Behind brown eyes and glass
And a sea of random thoughts;
Find me at a loss of intensity.
Beautiful meaningless words
Escaping in clouded form
Volatile rain dancing from me to you
In some fantastic, clumsy tango ...
Unashamed and unconcerned
Unaware and unprepared,
Unguarded there in your eyes.

Citizen

Is this how its going to be forever?
Me seeing you, You seeing me
But never seeing each other--
Empty promises and unfit lies...
Words draining from somewhere cold?
Will you ever care for me,
...as if I mattered
Respect and protect me--
Who am I to you?
You to me?

Inner Strength

Who gave you power to belittle me?
To dig your nails under my skin
With infantile words and insults?
Your permission has been revoked--
Go away, you have no power here

Autumn Leaves

First, you turn wicked shades of red
Deep oranges intermingled with
Beautiful, bright, bursts of brilliant yellow--
A permanent sunset cascading
    from mountain high
    to valley low.
Of colors, rich with ripened wisdom
Grown from branches older than time.

Then, in the frost of chilled winds
You wither,  shrivel away and rot--
A masterpiece lost to the world
Well-wished whispers whisked away
     walked over with heavy feet
     stamped and buried in thick soil
And forgotten in the nakedness
Of crooked branches erected high.

Alternate Reality

If I hadn't known the other students in my class--growing up with most of them since we were in diapers--I would have though we had assigned seats Elizabeth and Anne, the only Pinks in the school aside from Eva, were sitting together on the front middle of the class room. Anne, sporting a new Chanel purse and Elizabeth, debuting a pair of heart shaped earrings made from dangling diamonds, were noticeably set apart from the rest of the class with an empty chair on either side of them. Mark, Paul, and Richard--the class Grays--were seated behind the ritzy pair, each donning their own twist on preppy-chic. The left side of the room was predominately Blue, with the right transitioning into Green. In the far corner, possibly forgotten by everyone else were the last two seats: one for me and one for Courtnee. Courtnee, who conveniently arrived just behind me, was the other oddball of the class. A Black, with ebony skin, cinnamon colored hair, and hazel eyes, in theory, it was hard to miss Courtnee sitting in the sea of Blue and Green, and slightly less so, with the slightest tint of Blue reflecting in my skin, my Purple skin was ostensibly another eye catcher in the room. Strangely, the opposite had proven true; in all of our years in school together, Courtnee and I seemed to exist in our own little world within the class. They rarely spoke to us, and quite frankly, I didn't mind the exclusion. I made my way to the seat, with little acknowledgement from my peers, and let my bag fall to the floor with a silent thud. 

Today

int Productivity ( ) {
     percent_of_work_done = 0;
     for(hour time = 8am; time < midnight; start++) {
           if ( progress at time )
                increment percent_of_work_done;
     }
     return percent_of_work_done;
}

Behind the Masque Part 5

Eternal Silence

Don't forget to read from the beginning or Part 4: Mirror Reflections

Everything stood still as the dragon stood over me and I--trapped between the dragon's glistening white teeth and the cold of the ground--trembled. She reared her head back, preparing for the kill and I closed my eyes. I imagined my step sister waiting for me to return, our parents milling around with the other guests.  Smiling faces would be the last image in my mind if I could help it.

Behind the Masque

A twenty first birthday filled with music, dancing, and magic. Part horror, part fantasy, join the main character for a discovery of the unknown.

The following short story contains a total of 5 parts.

Click or use the arrow keys to turn the page

Behind the Masque

1

Part 1: The Quiet Before the Storm

That night was the night I watched myself die. Full of music--rhythms and melodies carrying masked faces from one end of the polished dance floor to the other--it was a beautiful night. Ladies in their finest dresses and men in elegant suits, all swirling about. A masquerade ball transported from the 19th century in honor of our--my step sister and I--twenty first birthday. That night was planned to perfection; we had set out to create the illusion of magic bewitching our guests into a perfect fairy tale. We hardly knew that there was a real magic present in our perfect illusion, a magic that we couldn't control.

Perched against a porcelain column near the wall with my step sister, who had successfully hidden her the cast of her broken leg beneath the shimmering pomegranate layers of her dress, I swayed to the music, murmuring our guesses at the identities of our masked guests. I could tell that behind the sequins and feathers carefully set over my sister's eyes, she was day dreaming--a vision of herself, twirling about some handsome gentleman's arm. She was always the romantic one--the princess--between the two of us, while I was content in the shadows, alone and unaffected.

Moonlight cascaded through the large

2

windows, mixing with candle light to give that soft romantic aura to our party. Guests nodded their polite hellos as they danced pass us, unable to recognize the hostesses, and sauntered away into the music. I wondered how long it would take for people to find us out, secretly dreading the moment I would have to join the band on stage, take the microphone, and shed my mask. If I had known anything about the turmoil that would soon erupt, perhaps I wouldn't have been so hasty to cast away my moment in the spotlight--my chance to be a princess, if only for a moment. But, unfortunately, I was young and naive, traits that are apparently dangerous in my family.

3

Part 2: When the Lights Go Out

Eventually, my step sister would tire of sitting by idly, watching others enjoy what was supposed to be our celebration. She would want her crutches, no matter how they "ruined [her] outfit" and no matter how clumsy they would be on the dance floor. She would protest now, but thank me later; knowing this, I excused myself and wandered towards the bathroom then abruptly turned towards the exit when I was sure she wasn't watching.

The night sky was brilliant, black velvet with glittering stars that twinkled like Christmas lights in the sky. The air was cool and a soft wind rippled in the air--as though the trees were bowing their respect to nature. Behind me, I could hear the sounds of the party, laughter mixed with beautiful music. Only a few paces before me, the car sat in the shadows, parked and vaguely forgotten. Her crutches would be in the backseat which would be easy to retrieve and be on my way.

As I gripped the crutches awkwardly, I turned back towards the party surprised to find it much further in the distance than I had expected--almost twice the distance I remembered.

Oh well. I told myself. You're tired and probably imagining things.

4

I began the walk back, juggling the crutches and the hem of my dress. The more I walked, however, the farther the light of the party went into the distance.

It was as though the building itself, was moving away from me. I stopped, puzzled at what my eyes were telling me. As I stood still watching the lights fade from the horizon, the sound of music because began to dim in my ears. After a moment, the night was quiet except for the murmuring of the wind rippling by.

My eyes began to roam my surroundings as my brain struggled to piece together a logical explanation. To my right there was a shadow--the silhouette of a girl--which was sparkling like nothing I'd ever seen before. And unlike my party, it was moving closer and closer to me.

5

Part 3: An Unexpected Encounter

As she came closer, I realized that it wasn't her dress that was sparkling (which was how my brain rationalized what I saw). My eyes had gone bad or I had lost my mind--because what I saw, even as she entered light of the parking lot, was a shadow: a shadow moving alone, with a sparkling outline remnant of an eclipse star.

It was time to run; my brain was nervously commanding my legs to move but nothing moved. Now was not the time to panic! I willed my body to turn and my legs to move, but again, nothing moved. I was paralyzed, unable to even blink my eyelids. The shadow girl was approaching in her slow ominous pace and she had hexed me so that I could not run. If I could have moved, my body would have been shaking.

Stop fighting.

The voice was in my head. I was sure of it. It

6

was eerily familiar and instead of the comfort a familiar voice should bring, it only made me more afraid. I did the opposite; there was no way I was going to stand there gaping like an idiot while this thing crept closer to me.

I said stop fighting.

She was almost to me and I saw that reason behind the familiarity in the voice. Both the voice and her strangely shadowed face, belonged to me.

7

Part 4: Mirror Reflections

The face that mirrored mine gazed at me menacingly, as the body attached to it circled me as though I were its prey. My pulse was racing--an amusement to my frightening doppelganger. Her sly smirk revealed teeth that sparkled whiter than any teeth I'd ever seen. But as the moonlight waxed over us, they began to grow, sharpening into little daggers. She began to contort, as though in pain, and her shape began to change.

Instinct told me I was witnessing a real werewolf attack and logic concluded I wouldn't survive. I shuddered, suddenly free of paralysis. Realizing my freedom, I ran in the direction I thought my party might be; my lungs burned in as the cold air rushed across my screaming vocal cords. I didn't know what was happening, but I didn't intend to find out...

A shadow fell over me as I ran haphazardly--stumbling and tripping over my own feet--and I was forced to look up. It wasn't a werewolf.

Glimmering purple scales, black horns, and razor sharp talons were flying not so far above me. The wind from her wings beat me as though I were no more than a piece of grass and even in my fear, I marveled. Trapped on the ground, I knew I couldn't out run the creature and I wondered what type of sorcery this was.

The dragon brought her head so close to

8

mine, I could see my reflection in her silvery eyes and feel the breath from her nostrils in my hair. So many questions ran through my mind, I couldn't think straight. Why did she appear to me as me? Where did she come from? And most importantly, was she just amusing herself with my fear or would she actually kill me?

9

Part 5: Eternal Silence

Everything stood still as the dragon stood over me and I--trapped between the dragon's glistening white teeth and the cold of the ground--trembled. She reared her head back, preparing for the kill and I closed my eyes. I imagined my step sister waiting for me to return, our parents milling around with the other guests. Smiling faces would be the last image in my mind if I could help it.

I felt a rush of heat, followed by a searing pain in my sides. So this was it--death at 21 years old. I wondered what my obituary would say; surely no one would guess I was killed by a dragon. As the pain grew, spreading from my sides into my arms and legs, I wondered how long it would take to die.

Now that death was inevitable, I became curious as to what this journey would entail. Would there be a white light? A tunnel? Would I be ferried from the world of the living to the world of the dead by some "Angel of Death?" Or what I simply breathe my last breath and cease to exist.

After a few moments passed I heard someone screaming. It was a language I didn't understand--or did I? There was something vaguely familiar about the words in my ears. I opened my eyes, against my better judgment, and my world

10

became unfamiliar. It wasn't the same; I can't explain what changed, but it had. I was no longer on the ground, but up in the air.

Below me my mother was the one yelling--not scared or surprised, but chanting passionately as though she knew exactly what was happening. She shook her fingers in an odd gesture toward me then reached below me as though she were lifting someone to their feet. That's when I saw myself--still lying on the ground, accepting her hand and rising to my feet. But it wasn't me--I was in the air above, caught in the dragon's clutches.

"Momma!" I screamed out, begging her to come back for me.

The sound escaping from my lungs was not what I expected. I tried to reach my hand upward to scratch my head and realized that although I could not perform the task, my hand was unbound. Nothing was holding me. I wasn't in the dragon's claws. I was the dragon and the dragon had taken my place.

Smiles

Turn the music on
Let the rhythms shake the speakers
The world gets still,
      Time slows down
And I'm the only one moving.
Smile--all over my face,
Laughter in my song

Invincible

There comes a point
Where everything becomes heavy--
Twenty ton dumbbells
Weighted across my neck--
Pressing down on my windpipe,
Suffocating me slowly...
I hear vertebrae shattering
Somewhere in my spine

Stoic Streams

The flush of heat beneath my skin
Gives way to the grit of my teeth
And I see fire burning in my eyes
--I can't stop myself from screaming out
My hands are not mine to control
The lashing and the thrashing,
It's my voice but my anger's words...
Twisted frustration untangling itself
A futile attempt at snapping back
The desire of its original shape
--But its origins are lost in boiling blood
Replaced with raging reds,
Silenced by stoic streams--
Silent containers of my inner turmoil,
Pumping anger from my veins
Dispelling my toxins.

Lazy Sunrise

Soft rays stretch upward, into view
And a red haze drifts across the sky
Blankets the horizon in a golden glaze
As light battles the fading dark;
Sound softs embedded in the red hues
Flittering through my ears lazily
Brighting my eyes involuntarily
And I see gold in the distance,
Waiting for me.

Behind the Masque Part 4

Mirror Reflections

Don't forget to read from the beginning or Part 3: An Unexpected Encounter

The face that mirrored mine gazed at me menacingly, as the body attached to it circled me as though I were its prey. My pulse was racing--an amusement to my frightening doppelganger. Her sly smirk revealed teeth that sparkled whiter than any teeth I'd ever seen. But as the moonlight waxed over us, they began to grow, sharpening into little daggers. She began to contort, as though in pain, and her shape began to change.

StarFire

At night, when light fades
And darkness prevails,
I gaze up at the star filled sky
In wonder...
And I wonder,
Up there--out yonder,
Death is a brilliant firework
A beautiful remembrance
Of a light burning out.
How can fire be so beautiful?
And I can only hope
When my time comes,
I burn brilliantly--
Overwhelm the world in passion
And explode in a blaze.

Another One Bites the Dust

I wanted to give you
The benefit of the doubt,
I wanted to believe
That it was coincidence,
But the truth is apparent,
The evidence, abundant.

When will this madness stop?

I want to forget,
To think of positive matters,
Disappear in the moment,
Fall into the story
And enjoy the ride,
But even at face value
Something is amiss...

Beautiful Day

Worry --
Beads on my arm
Like a sticky heat--
Uncomfortable beads
Rippling down my forehead,
Roll of my lashes
And burn my eyes
At the rising of the sun.

But I turn away,
Let the orange and yellow
Flood my pupils
Erase my mind
And reset my pulse...

Calm--
Chirped melodies
Drifting through my ears
Tickle my soul
And pull my strings,
Up--
      out of the covers,
Out--
     into the world.

Memories

Hidden away,
In a dusty box,
On top of a shelf--
Not quite forgotten,
Barely gleaming
And unpolished.

Wrapped snug
In dark material
Soft to the touch--
Once worn, engraved,
Barely remembered
And unnecessary

Ancient

Beneath the sand of ancient dunes
Carved in stone, some unknown rune
This beautiful language of forgotten lore
Untold knowledge, secrets, legends, and more.
Hidden there beneath my weary feet
Forgotten and thought to be obsolete
But there's power there, in hidden words
The clear solution to a vision blurred,
And I wish to understand it in my soul,
To bond with it, learn it and gain control.

Five Hundred Twenty Five Thousand Six Hundred Minutes

Wake up,
Do the same dance,
You always do--
Put on the same clothes,
You always do...

And enjoy the moment,
Each one irreplaceable
So make the most of it...
Trying something new,
Don't like it--
Let it go!

Don't worry
About what you don't have,
Or what you wish you could do,
Let it go,
Let the dust settle.

Close your eyes,
Let it go.

Missing Posts

Since I've now officially missed two posts, I thought I'd explain.

The first post missed was due to a paper I needed to write for school (so technically I was still writing :D). Yesterday's post was missed because I was on campus most of the day working, then had a meeting, and didn't get back home until midnight.

Technically I guess this means I've failed the challenge, but I'm enjoying it, so I'm going to continue. Maybe I'll tack on two extra posts at the end of the 365 days to make up for those, or maybe I'll just let them go.  For now I'm just enjoying the ride!

If you have any topic requests, suggestions, or feedback in general, leave a comment below (here or on any of the posts).

Behind the Masque Part 3

An Unexpected Encounter

Don't forget to read from the beginning or Part 2: When the Lights Go Out

As she came closer, I realized that it wasn't her dress that was sparkling (which was how my brain rationalized what I saw). My eyes had gone bad or I had lost my mind--because what I saw, even as she entered light of the parking lot, was a shadow: a shadow moving alone, with a sparkling outline remnant of an eclipse star.

Cake

Cake,
Chocolate drizzle
With sprinkles
Whipped icing--
Strawberries,
And lighted candles;
A beautiful memory
Served in every bite--
Deliciousness
Sliced and laid out
On paper plates.

One Breath Away

Sometimes you give it all you have
And realize you're one breath short
Just one breath away,
But that one breath,
Is the last breath you have...
You could sacrifice your life
For the sake of a dream
Or sacrifice a dream
For the sake of your life,
Knowing that either choice
Will leave your soul devoid...
Defficient...
How could my labors lead me here
One breath away from success
One breath away from defeat,
And the burden of choice
All on me?

Conflict of Interest

A chill, a shiver--I shudder;

My body wasn't meant for this.

I was destined to be born elsewhere,

Destined for a warmer climate--

The desert heat and scorching sun

My body was made for that

Built to protect me from harmful rays

And to flourish in the summer sun,

Not to shudder in ice or snow.

My body doesn't know how to react to this

And its acting out in spite of itself

The Cold Gray

I wake up to a patchwork gray sky
The chill of winter settling in the air.
A silent morning as the birds fly away
The world is still, drifting into a slumber.
Nature calls me to join her,
And the instinct of change rattles me.
Am I flying south to warmer skies
Or can I hide away in natures arms

I'm Wishing on A Star

I wish I could go back
Caress the keys of my childhood
--Softly--
Tell myself a bed time story
And disappear into my own fantasy
Slowly,
Count the stars in the sky,
Infinite wishes waiting
Selfishly...

I wish I could stay there
Wallow in the comfort of my mind
--Recklessly--
Block daylight from my eyes
Create my own world in front of me
--Respectfully--
Fly off the cliff, dive into the river
And find myself
--Repeatedly...

Behind the Masque Part 2

When the Lights Go Out

Don't forget to read from the beginning

Eventually, my step sister would tire of sitting by idly, watching others enjoy what was supposed to be our celebration. She would want her crutches, no matter how they "ruined [her] outfit" and no matter how clumsy they would be on the dance floor. She would protest now, but thank me later; knowing this, I excused myself  and wandered towards the bathroom then abruptly turned towards the exit when I was sure she wasn't watching.

Enjoy the Moment

a distant firework
flashes in the sky
a blast of light
trailed by soft sparkles
of fire raining down...
and I almost missed it--
almost didn't take the time to look

Success & Narcissism

I'm my own number one fan--
I Love everything I do,
I Agree with everything I say
And I'm always on my side.
I come closer and closer
Strive for more and more...
I can see my goals on the horizon
And I realize how much
I appreciate me.
I see failures as obstacles
And I'm the loudest in the crowd
Encouraging me to get up.
I'm the loudest coach
And the most loving fan
In my corner...
I can't lose.

Beware of Beliefs That Don't Add Up

According to Facebook, Twitter, the lady at the grocery store, regular church goers and a host of other people, the following things are the Mark of the Beast and damnation to hell:

1. Getting 666 tattooed on you
2. Getting a chip implanted in you
3. Getting a barcode tattooed on you
4. Having your bill total to $6.66

Pause for excessive laughter

Why am I laughing?

Because all of the above is absolutely absurd (though I don't think I'd purposely tattoo 666 on me).

Video Game

If only it were as easy
As a puppet and string--
    Walk forward.
    Jump.
   Stop:
And I could control you
Completely--easily.
Yet you're stubborn;
Unwilling to submit
Unwilling to bend...
Beautiful and complex
Foreign and unruly---
It's a battle of wit,
A test of fortitude...
Exasperation
In exchange for satisfaction.

Still shot of the game I'm developing for class. (individual graphics curtesy of www.kenney.nl)

The Little Mermaid

I'm submerged in water
Enjoying the serenity,
Riding the waves along...
I'm comfortable here,
In my own piece of heaven--
But my curiosity carries me away
And at the trough of the wave
I find myself lost....
I want to shed weight
And break like a wave.
Roll on the shore lazily,
Curl my feet in the warm sand
And let the sun kiss my skin.

Perfectionism

I want it to be perfect,
I don't want to see flaws
I don't want mistakes
Permeating
Through half beautiful
Sculptures of perfection...
I can't have a straight line
standing out amongst
Perfect spheres
Or crooked straggles
Unorganized amongst
Perfect shelves...
I need order in my chaos.

Behind the Masque Part 1

The Quiet Before the Storm

That night was the night I watched myself die. Full of music--rhythms and melodies carrying masked faces from one end of the polished dance floor to the other--it was a beautiful night. Ladies in their finest dresses and men in elegant suits, all swirling about. A masquerade ball transported from the 19th century in honor of our--my step sister and I--twenty first birthday. That night was planned to perfection; we had set out to create the illusion of magic bewitching our guests into a perfect fairy tale. We hardly knew that there was a real magic present in our perfect illusion, a magic that we couldn't control. 

Tell Me Lies

Ask me a question,
Lay your insecurities at my feet.
Wish for the answer
You wish you would hear...
Wait silently for confirmation
Of an opinion you value--
A diamond put on display
Encased in a box of glass

A Different Time

If everything was different,
I might look into your eyes,
And if the world was different--
I might focus on your voice...

If this moment were
A different moment,
Walls might have crumbled
And what I might have seen
Might have been different.

To Be or Not To Be

I use to say I could not and would not be a professor. I have little patience and am thoroughly annoyed when people get an attitude with me when I'm trying to help them. I believe there are in fact stupid questions and I have a hard time not appearing annoyed when I'm annoyed.  I hate talking to people all day and I don't like talking when no one is listening. To me these are all bad qualities for a professor. If you asked me what my dream job would be, I'd say give me a desk, a computer,  a window, and no human interaction.

For some reason, however, I always ended up doing things that prepare me for teaching. I tutored in high school. I tutored in college. I'm still tutoring in grad school. I was even a teaching assistant last year. I complain often; I'm annoyed often. And yet, I cannot say no to someone who wants/needs help. I'm enraged when I see students get the short end of the stick. I hate that everyone isn't afforded the same education and am always trying to find away to bridge the gap between the students who had state of the art teachers and equipment versus the students who had teacher who were just babysitting.

When I'm completely honest about why I decided to continue to get a PhD, instead of giving up after the fiasco that was my first graduate school: the truth is I want more people like me with PhDs visible to the future generation. A part of me was very angry that none of my professors seemed to speak English (I'm sorry if English is your second language and that statement offends you, but if I can't understand a professor's English in a school located in the United States, it's a problem). I hated that out of all the students in my graduate department, I was the only Black female. The only thing worse than being a minority is being a triple minority: American, Black, and female. I wouldn't quit, because the only way to break that isolation is to have more people like me attend and more people like me graduate.

Now, that I'm in a less hostile environment, I often question why I'm still here. Every once in a while, I still get that feeling of isolation (I'm one of 2 girls in my lab here and the only Black person, though there are many females and many Blacks in the department). After struggling through this feeling for 25 years, there comes a point where you're just tired, and you wonder, why do I continue down this road? Then I go to study hall, where I tutor, and find people waiting for me to help them. People calling to make sure I'm there to help. And I see the people leave excited and smiling because I've helped them understand something. The next thing I know, I feel like crying. I've never been a crier for sad things; I've definitely never cried for happy things. I'm not sure why, but it means a lot to see someone else avoid everything that drove me crazy.

So here I am, still playing tug-of-war with this idea of becoming a professor... *sigh*

The Fog

Eerie white mist
Floating across gray pavement,
What lurks behind your
Thick obstruction of sight?
Looming large behind hazy bricks
Awaiting unsuspecting victims

Angel of Agony

Once upon a time,
...Long ago...
In a beautiful young mind
Burned and destroyed,
There was a girl--
Fighting for every breath
Working for every dime,

Magic & Music

Each note is a word
In a language long forgotten
Each phrase, a sentence
And each song, a message...
An incantation of ancient lore
Placed on all who hear.
Vibrations of melody

Coming and Going

Where am I going?
If only I knew where I'd been...
An alien in my own home
It seems as though
I'm trying to turn around
Back to the place I know--
But where?
When up is left
Left is right...
A flashing image in my mind
Of a contradicton in my soul.
A collison of thought and belief
Warring.
Until I lose my balance
I'm falling right...
Maybe it's the direction
I want to go,
But where did I come from?
I dont't scarcely know.

Empty

Hollow chasm in my soul--

I fill it with joy, 

      I fill it with pain,

I wait for it to heal itself

For the wounds to shrivel and fade...

In my soul,

I feel a connection growing,

An anchor, sprouting out

To meet my friends

     To meet my enemies

And I wonder how to break

From this unusual empathy...

Hollow, empty

Creeping in my shadow

Tempting me to trickery

To drown what is already full

     Overfull with my pain,  with joy.

Heal now, sprout out from this anchor...

Color My World : Red

Passionate and angry,
The life force that drains away,
Cover me in its viscosity
And electrify my synapses---
Breathe spirit into my bones
As the ruby red brushes my skin

Annoyance

There's nothing worse than ignorance
It creeps in under the guise of intelligence
And often doesn't know its own stupidity--
It boasts, it brags, it puts itself on a pedestal;
All the while being a mockery of real substance
Shows itself as foolishness in the eyes of all
But neglects to view itself in the mirror.
Pity it has deluded itself,
And corrupts others.

Exhaustion

Work flows through my veins
Like a river to the ocean,
It rises and falls--
Flooding my surroundings
Unsettling foundations
And sinking whole buildings.
I watch them fall,
Supporting their pieces in my current--
These fragmented structures,
Stay in my river until the drought...
If I carry them downstream
Will I be able to build anew?

Story Idea

Everyone wakes from their dreams with the idea that they are the main character--the one who lives happily ever after and is an epic hero that saves the day. Some times, people settle, realizing they're the the side kick, only present for the occasional laugh. But what if you woke to find that you were the villain; if you knew you were destined to fail; if you knew the story wasn't even about you... 

Stranded on an unfamiliar planet, the survivors of a crashed human refugee ship discover that they are the root of an ancient war that has been raging across the universe for millennia. Now that they're caught in the battle, they have to decide on with side to fight, knowing that regardless of the winner mankind's survival is unlikely. When humans enter the war, it'll either be an epic battle between two evil forces or the final showdown between good and evil. Either way, the survivors have to find a way to set right the wrong that dooms them to extinction--that is, if they can figure out what it was.

Standards: Achieving Academically

Often when discussing things, specifically education, and I have a different view, the phrase "but you don't count" comes up.  People are quick to say "but you're smart" and I wonder, does that mean they think they're dumb? Not only is that a bad way to view yourself, but its also contradicting if my argument is that you are no smarter or dumber than anyone else and can pass your classes just like everyone else...

Let's step back a second. At Clemson, there's always this thing about Black students having a hard time keeping a good GPA (good being defined as greater than or equal to a 3.0). People have forums and initiatives, programs and everything else to combat this. While I think the programs are good programs, I don't think that "Black students" have a hard time keeping a good GPA at Clemson, I think students from certain schools have a hard time keeping a good GPA. These school might have large Black populations, they may have large White populations; at the end of the day, all schools do not afford the same secondary education (which is a travesty and a topic for another post). Just in my hometown, I know we were taught topics in school that were not taught at other schools in my county. Educational opportunities and money tend to go hand in hand, so I'm more apt to believe there's a correlation between socio-economics and GPA than skin color and GPA. Which means there is no reason for America to be "dumber" than China (or Japan, or England, or anywhere else), and definitely there is no reason (except blatant racism) for Black students to have a harder time getting a 3.0 than White students. I'm not going to say racism doesn't happen (how to handle racism in academia may be a topic for another post as well), but I will say that since none of the people whom I've had these conversations with have ever suggested racism and admit to not knowing/understanding the material: it's safe to assume that isn't the cause.

Ode de Curls

Soft,
Springy coils erupting from my head
Dance wildly beneath the water
And drip oceans in my sink--
Attack brushes and devour pins.

Black Dragon

Bright scales covering bright wings--

Take off and fly,

Burn the world behind you

And take off into a different light.

Strong legs, sharp talons

Follow your own path

Make your own beat

And clear your own way.

You fearsome, fiery, fiend--

Takeover; let them bow to you

And beneath your wings

Hide, regenerate, renew...

Come into the light

Sleek shadow of scales,

Then take off and take flight.

The Wonderful World of Disney

I ♥ Disney movies--I'm 25 years old and am still easily pacified by a simple Disney movie (or Studio Ghibli which is--in my opinion--even better than Disney). In recent years Disney has gotten a lot of criticism about the flaws of their characters. Many have pointed out that these movies/characters could be damaging to little girls... Maybe, but one thing I can say is that real people have flaws too. Is it really bad to show that there are two sides to every coin? As a writer I find character studies and the way people relate to characters very interesting. So, I thought I'd point out some of the redeeming and not-so-redeeming characteristics of some of my favorite Disney characters (in no particular order).

Princess Tiana - The Princess and The Frog

Of course I like Princess Tiana--I mean it took Disney long enough to have a Black lead in one of their movies, even if she was a frog 90% of the time--it's only natural. Her redeeming qualities are that she's a hard worker, she knows what she wants and she's not afraid to go for it. While she might have been a touch Type A, she clearly was a dreamer (note: she's the one who stops Prince Naveen from telling Ray that his Evangeline is actually just a star). Tiana strikes me as a realist, she had dreams but she knew she had to make them come true. On the flip side, Tiana falls in love with Naveen, whose only redeeming quality is that he can play a ukulele and dance... Granted by the end of the movie we're supposed to like him more, the only scene where he seems anything other than a lazy, spoiled, brat is when he's fumbling trying to propose to her. I can write this off as poor character development, though...

Princess Merida - Brave

Merida is pretty bad *bleep.* She's a fighter and she may even give Legolas a run for his money with that bow (which is pretty awesomely designed too). It's nice to see a curly red-head as a princess too, though I'm not sure that really qualifies as a redeeming trait. Merida may be the only Disney princess to have siblings (aside from Cinderella) and the relationship between her and her little brothers is quite cute--I love that she steals desserts for them. Merida also exhibits traits such as social-awkwardness and fear of public speaking, which is quite refreshing. Also, she's the only Disney princess who's story doesn't involve her falling in love and "living happily ever after." Go Merida for seeing her crappy choices and not settling! Unfortunately, she's a bit dense. Who trusts a random witch they found by following magical glowing lights? Running away probably would have been smarter than feeding her mom some voodoo witch cake. That's pretty much my only quip with Merida, and I can easily write that off as her being a teenager (she looks all of 14).

Fa Mulan - Mulan

Needless to say Mulan is the most epic Disney heroine ever. She's loyal to her family and to her country. She's fearless and persistent. What's not to admire about Mulan!? Shang gave her an out, but instead of leaving, which still would have been a success in her goal of stopping her father from having to go to war and making it out alive, she spends all night proving she's a soldier worth keeping. When she's found out, she doesn't give up; instead, she risks her life further to stop the Hun army from taking Shang by surprise. (I don't think I would have had the nerve to any of the above...sorry Dad lol). So, what's bad about Mulan? Other than her deep rooted self esteem problem being the driving force for her desire to prove her worth (which would only be a negative if it had driven her in a negative direction...), I can't think of anything bad about Mulan. Bonus to her, she's the only Disney heroine to get a guy who was proven to be worth getting :)

Pocohantas - Pocohantas

Free-spirited, unaffected by prejudice,and willing to risk it all for what she believed was right, Pocohantas is definitely a strong character. She prevents a war and does wonders for the relationship between her tribe and the settlers. Of course those same settlers later massacred the Native Americans, took their land, and forced the remaining Native Americans on reservations... She also deliberately disobeyed her father, put herself in danger, and is the cause of Kocoum's death (Kocoum >>>> John Smith by far too, in my opinion). Remind me, why do I like Pocohantas again? Oh that's right, nothing good comes without sacrifice. She tried; that's all we can ask from her.

Belle - Beauty and the Beast

Belle is a nerd. Throughout the movie we are bombarded with the fact that she likes to read! She helps out her dad, who's an inventor, isn't ashamed of her "oddity" and is a total introvert. To top it off, she sacrifices her own freedom to save her father. How many people would willingly volunteer to stay in a cursed castle with a monstrous beast? That being said, Belle has a serious case of Stockholm's Syndrome. The Beast imprisoned both her and her father, and more importantly, is not human. How did she fall in love with him? That's like falling in love with your dog... Another quip, it seems counterproductive that if his crime was not being able to see past the physical appearance, he still ended up with a beautiful girl... Well, this probably the worst of my loved movies from the Disney list, but the music is awesome

Who's your favorite Disney character? Do you notice their flaws and the flaws of the movie they're in? Does that make you like them more? Or do you think Disney is ruining the minds of young children everywhere?