Angel of Agony

Once upon a time,
...Long ago...
In a beautiful young mind
Burned and destroyed,
There was a girl--
Fighting for every breath
Working for every dime,

Magic & Music

Each note is a word
In a language long forgotten
Each phrase, a sentence
And each song, a message...
An incantation of ancient lore
Placed on all who hear.
Vibrations of melody

Coming and Going

Where am I going?
If only I knew where I'd been...
An alien in my own home
It seems as though
I'm trying to turn around
Back to the place I know--
But where?
When up is left
Left is right...
A flashing image in my mind
Of a contradicton in my soul.
A collison of thought and belief
Warring.
Until I lose my balance
I'm falling right...
Maybe it's the direction
I want to go,
But where did I come from?
I dont't scarcely know.

Empty

Hollow chasm in my soul--

I fill it with joy, 

      I fill it with pain,

I wait for it to heal itself

For the wounds to shrivel and fade...

In my soul,

I feel a connection growing,

An anchor, sprouting out

To meet my friends

     To meet my enemies

And I wonder how to break

From this unusual empathy...

Hollow, empty

Creeping in my shadow

Tempting me to trickery

To drown what is already full

     Overfull with my pain,  with joy.

Heal now, sprout out from this anchor...

Color My World : Red

Passionate and angry,
The life force that drains away,
Cover me in its viscosity
And electrify my synapses---
Breathe spirit into my bones
As the ruby red brushes my skin

Annoyance

There's nothing worse than ignorance
It creeps in under the guise of intelligence
And often doesn't know its own stupidity--
It boasts, it brags, it puts itself on a pedestal;
All the while being a mockery of real substance
Shows itself as foolishness in the eyes of all
But neglects to view itself in the mirror.
Pity it has deluded itself,
And corrupts others.

Exhaustion

Work flows through my veins
Like a river to the ocean,
It rises and falls--
Flooding my surroundings
Unsettling foundations
And sinking whole buildings.
I watch them fall,
Supporting their pieces in my current--
These fragmented structures,
Stay in my river until the drought...
If I carry them downstream
Will I be able to build anew?

Story Idea

Everyone wakes from their dreams with the idea that they are the main character--the one who lives happily ever after and is an epic hero that saves the day. Some times, people settle, realizing they're the the side kick, only present for the occasional laugh. But what if you woke to find that you were the villain; if you knew you were destined to fail; if you knew the story wasn't even about you... 

Stranded on an unfamiliar planet, the survivors of a crashed human refugee ship discover that they are the root of an ancient war that has been raging across the universe for millennia. Now that they're caught in the battle, they have to decide on with side to fight, knowing that regardless of the winner mankind's survival is unlikely. When humans enter the war, it'll either be an epic battle between two evil forces or the final showdown between good and evil. Either way, the survivors have to find a way to set right the wrong that dooms them to extinction--that is, if they can figure out what it was.

Standards: Achieving Academically

Often when discussing things, specifically education, and I have a different view, the phrase "but you don't count" comes up.  People are quick to say "but you're smart" and I wonder, does that mean they think they're dumb? Not only is that a bad way to view yourself, but its also contradicting if my argument is that you are no smarter or dumber than anyone else and can pass your classes just like everyone else...

Let's step back a second. At Clemson, there's always this thing about Black students having a hard time keeping a good GPA (good being defined as greater than or equal to a 3.0). People have forums and initiatives, programs and everything else to combat this. While I think the programs are good programs, I don't think that "Black students" have a hard time keeping a good GPA at Clemson, I think students from certain schools have a hard time keeping a good GPA. These school might have large Black populations, they may have large White populations; at the end of the day, all schools do not afford the same secondary education (which is a travesty and a topic for another post). Just in my hometown, I know we were taught topics in school that were not taught at other schools in my county. Educational opportunities and money tend to go hand in hand, so I'm more apt to believe there's a correlation between socio-economics and GPA than skin color and GPA. Which means there is no reason for America to be "dumber" than China (or Japan, or England, or anywhere else), and definitely there is no reason (except blatant racism) for Black students to have a harder time getting a 3.0 than White students. I'm not going to say racism doesn't happen (how to handle racism in academia may be a topic for another post as well), but I will say that since none of the people whom I've had these conversations with have ever suggested racism and admit to not knowing/understanding the material: it's safe to assume that isn't the cause.

Ode de Curls

Soft,
Springy coils erupting from my head
Dance wildly beneath the water
And drip oceans in my sink--
Attack brushes and devour pins.

Black Dragon

Bright scales covering bright wings--

Take off and fly,

Burn the world behind you

And take off into a different light.

Strong legs, sharp talons

Follow your own path

Make your own beat

And clear your own way.

You fearsome, fiery, fiend--

Takeover; let them bow to you

And beneath your wings

Hide, regenerate, renew...

Come into the light

Sleek shadow of scales,

Then take off and take flight.

The Wonderful World of Disney

I ♥ Disney movies--I'm 25 years old and am still easily pacified by a simple Disney movie (or Studio Ghibli which is--in my opinion--even better than Disney). In recent years Disney has gotten a lot of criticism about the flaws of their characters. Many have pointed out that these movies/characters could be damaging to little girls... Maybe, but one thing I can say is that real people have flaws too. Is it really bad to show that there are two sides to every coin? As a writer I find character studies and the way people relate to characters very interesting. So, I thought I'd point out some of the redeeming and not-so-redeeming characteristics of some of my favorite Disney characters (in no particular order).

Princess Tiana - The Princess and The Frog

Of course I like Princess Tiana--I mean it took Disney long enough to have a Black lead in one of their movies, even if she was a frog 90% of the time--it's only natural. Her redeeming qualities are that she's a hard worker, she knows what she wants and she's not afraid to go for it. While she might have been a touch Type A, she clearly was a dreamer (note: she's the one who stops Prince Naveen from telling Ray that his Evangeline is actually just a star). Tiana strikes me as a realist, she had dreams but she knew she had to make them come true. On the flip side, Tiana falls in love with Naveen, whose only redeeming quality is that he can play a ukulele and dance... Granted by the end of the movie we're supposed to like him more, the only scene where he seems anything other than a lazy, spoiled, brat is when he's fumbling trying to propose to her. I can write this off as poor character development, though...

Princess Merida - Brave

Merida is pretty bad *bleep.* She's a fighter and she may even give Legolas a run for his money with that bow (which is pretty awesomely designed too). It's nice to see a curly red-head as a princess too, though I'm not sure that really qualifies as a redeeming trait. Merida may be the only Disney princess to have siblings (aside from Cinderella) and the relationship between her and her little brothers is quite cute--I love that she steals desserts for them. Merida also exhibits traits such as social-awkwardness and fear of public speaking, which is quite refreshing. Also, she's the only Disney princess who's story doesn't involve her falling in love and "living happily ever after." Go Merida for seeing her crappy choices and not settling! Unfortunately, she's a bit dense. Who trusts a random witch they found by following magical glowing lights? Running away probably would have been smarter than feeding her mom some voodoo witch cake. That's pretty much my only quip with Merida, and I can easily write that off as her being a teenager (she looks all of 14).

Fa Mulan - Mulan

Needless to say Mulan is the most epic Disney heroine ever. She's loyal to her family and to her country. She's fearless and persistent. What's not to admire about Mulan!? Shang gave her an out, but instead of leaving, which still would have been a success in her goal of stopping her father from having to go to war and making it out alive, she spends all night proving she's a soldier worth keeping. When she's found out, she doesn't give up; instead, she risks her life further to stop the Hun army from taking Shang by surprise. (I don't think I would have had the nerve to any of the above...sorry Dad lol). So, what's bad about Mulan? Other than her deep rooted self esteem problem being the driving force for her desire to prove her worth (which would only be a negative if it had driven her in a negative direction...), I can't think of anything bad about Mulan. Bonus to her, she's the only Disney heroine to get a guy who was proven to be worth getting :)

Pocohantas - Pocohantas

Free-spirited, unaffected by prejudice,and willing to risk it all for what she believed was right, Pocohantas is definitely a strong character. She prevents a war and does wonders for the relationship between her tribe and the settlers. Of course those same settlers later massacred the Native Americans, took their land, and forced the remaining Native Americans on reservations... She also deliberately disobeyed her father, put herself in danger, and is the cause of Kocoum's death (Kocoum >>>> John Smith by far too, in my opinion). Remind me, why do I like Pocohantas again? Oh that's right, nothing good comes without sacrifice. She tried; that's all we can ask from her.

Belle - Beauty and the Beast

Belle is a nerd. Throughout the movie we are bombarded with the fact that she likes to read! She helps out her dad, who's an inventor, isn't ashamed of her "oddity" and is a total introvert. To top it off, she sacrifices her own freedom to save her father. How many people would willingly volunteer to stay in a cursed castle with a monstrous beast? That being said, Belle has a serious case of Stockholm's Syndrome. The Beast imprisoned both her and her father, and more importantly, is not human. How did she fall in love with him? That's like falling in love with your dog... Another quip, it seems counterproductive that if his crime was not being able to see past the physical appearance, he still ended up with a beautiful girl... Well, this probably the worst of my loved movies from the Disney list, but the music is awesome

Who's your favorite Disney character? Do you notice their flaws and the flaws of the movie they're in? Does that make you like them more? Or do you think Disney is ruining the minds of young children everywhere?

Lullaby

Close your eyes and see the world
Close your eyes and lock away
All the things that make you cry:
Fear not, for I am here

Dream--
Dream a good dream

Rediscovery

Closed my eyes,
Heard a voice calling me
Waded through water,
Followed the sound--
Who is this?
Unfamiliar,
Out of my element...
Deeper and deeper,
The curiosity is inside me.
As the water closes in
Bright beautiful blue
Under the tide,
Until my toes brush sand.
Felt the air in my lungs again,
Heard my own voice--
Answered the call,
Opened my eyes.

We The People

In the news this week: Nina Davuluri wins Miss America
and "America" reacts to the first (Indian-)American winner
(Click here for the article).

We the people, in order to form
     a more perfect union
Read it, remember it, recite it--
Commit the words to memory
Replace real education
And teach yourself the lie.
See that star-spangled banner wave
    over purple mountain's majesty
Watch it, fly it, revere it--
Raise your voice for the land of the free
And let your body fall
Beneath the weight of chains
Pledge your allegiance blindly
     one hand over your heart
Cry for it, bleed for it, die for it--
Become a hyphen in a sea of wholes
And wonder why you and me

Make a we---not We the People

But a different we...

We the People, 

     in order to form

          a more perfect union--

With the right to Life.

     Liberty.

     And The Pursuit of Happiness--

With liberty and justice for all...

With liberty and justice for all?

Thankful

There's so much bad

It's easy to forget to see the good---

When life knocks you down,

It's easy to miss the hand holding you up,

And when your eyes overrun with tears

It's easy to forget how to smile.

I remember the people who hurt me

The insults I've been given,

The tasks I failed to complete,

The money I don't have,

The friends who've died,

And the future looks bleak,

When I go to sleep at night

But when I wake up in the morning

I put yesterday behind me.

I remember the friends who help me

The compliments I've earned,

The accomplishments left for me to achieve,

The best things in life are free,

And sometimes, it's just an honor 

To have known my friends at all.

Because for every day of heavy rain,

Comes a delicious day of sun

And for every heartbreak

A stronger pulse--

So if I should wake tomorrow,

I will simply be thankful.

Color My World : Black

Inside

dark and silent

Reflecting thoughts

Mysterious to me,

Binding words

Unsteady 

Dreaming of Purple

An Excerpt from Untitled Book 1

Last night, I found myself lost in a sea of people--angry people--and before them, a simple and plain looking woman. She wore a white blouse and a dark skirt whose hem drug against the wooden floor of her plateau. The clothes--along with her dark hair, swirled into a tight behind at the nape of her neck--  was simple, plain and conservative. It was not a style from my time, and as I glanced around at the boisterous mob of people around me, I realized they too, were plainly clad in dark colors atop thick materials from neck to toe--even in such heat. 

That Guy

He approached me smiling,
Teeth glittering and white--
Easy on the eyes,
He lowered his voice
Putting on a show--
He spends his effort on flash
Materialistic nonsense
And when he opens his mouth
He has nothing to say.
His mind is empty
His stupidity overcrowds
My mind and I'm not impressed ...
Tell me something worth hearing,
May be then I'll listen.

Wishes

I wish I could wipe away your tears,
Hold you in my arms and protect you
That I could stand for you
When your knees buckled
And your legs failed...

I wish I could make you forget
Everything that was out to hurt you
That I could show you hope
When everything grew dark
And keep my promises...

I wish I was stronger
Able to carry away your problems,
That I knew the right words to say
When all was said and done
And time had run out...

Paint the Truth

O ye of little faith,
How can you doubt?
Can you not see
What's painted right before your eyes?
Can you ignore
the world's insignificance
And block out the lies---

Fading Fast

Fade away,
Words, images, thoughts, and feelings
     they drift away
In the coming Sun...
Their creativity,
Washed away in fire burning hot
     and a desire
To  reclaim this story
Overwhelms me--
A falling star
     shooting across the sky
A brilliant rainbow
     begins but never ends,
And somewhere in the distance
     this fading image
           waits for me.

Headache

The world is spinning
A blurred vision
Short breaths
And unbalanced pain...

The thumping and pounding
Spring up from the base of my neck
Roll behind my eyes
And paralyze my brain.

Color My World : Green

Bright, brilliant, bold:
stretching up toward the sky above me
     bowing before the mighty winds, a
          soothing blanket across the earth...
Large, laureate--legendary:
the color of life
     a rare jewel, a priceless gift
          intangible, yet soft to the finger's tips...
Glisten and gleam, gentle green.

Beauty

Beauty knows no bounds
Its not defined by lack of scars
Or the absence of blemish--
Au contraire,
Your faults make you beautiful

Homesick

I lie awake at night
Gazing out of third story windows
Out--into a sea of man's light
Where the city pans out before me...

I imagine I'm home instead
Where the water meets the sky
I can hear its song in my head
As the waves roll out away from me...

In my heart, I always return
There, to the untouched world
Where the waves roll and churn
In spite of change; in spite of me...

Autopilot

Approval--
Seeking reality is
Distantly calling my name.
While the world is thrashing me
Underneath its rocking surface
And I plumment from gravity...
But I'm seeking.

Character Study: Kat

She gave me her credit card and said "Have fun." Momma--my mother, who had instilled in me since the day I was born, that I should be frugal and lectured me  about materialism. And my dad... He watched the card changing hands with that distant and removed look that had come to mark him. I wasn't sure if it was hush money, get-Kat-out-of-the-house money, or pity money--a normal teenager probably wouldn't care, but I did. I dreaded the thought of perusing through racks and racks of clothes, trying on shoes, and admiring jewelry. What was the purpose?

"Kat." Elle was holding a sleek pair of  black heels that brought an instant smile to my face. "Stop thinking and start looking."

"Those would go great with that dress we saw earlier!" Fi chimed in. "If only you had a hot date to wear them to--oh, that's right; you do!"

The Nerd in Me

function main( life ) {
     Person I of type me;
     while ( alive )
     {
          I = new dream;
          for ( every dream ) {
               increase I;

Melting Into the Song

Words and music collide--
Spiraling together
     Up, up,
          Spin me around
Take me away--

Above and Beyond

Don't expect me to accept average
If you really want my attention,
You're gonna have to dazzle me--
I don't want half concocted excuses
Or flashy expensive trinkets,
Diamonds are a girl's best friend,
But its the their standard
That really impress.
I don't want beauty and perfection
I want depth and genuity.
My expectations for myself
Are above and beyond my capacity
I don't settle, and neither can you.