Why do you get upset over things that don't concern you?
Once, I went to Miyabi, a Japanese steakhouse for those who don't know, and since my group was small they combined my group with some other people before seating us. Things were fine until time to order, at which point I ordered steak and the people from the other group became almost belligerent over the way I ordered my steak. "You shouldn't eat it like that!" "I hate when people order well-done steak" On and on they go... But me ordering a well done steak would not affect their steak; the chef cooks each steak the way the individual orders it. Me ordering my steak well done wouldn't make them have to wait for their food because at Hibachi restaurants they cook it in front of you and put in on your plate as soon as the food is done. They would not be eating my steak. They wouldn't even have the obligation of paying for steak. Why, then, were they so concerned about how I ate my steak?
It would be nice if this was the only encounter I'd had with this type of behavior, but I've found that many people are irrationally invested in inconsequential opinions and actions of others. I have witnessed conversations when someone has expressed an opinion as a direct answer to a question: A asks B why B doesn't eat pork and B replies that it is for religious reasons. Person A is directly inquiring about B's actions/opinions, however A becomes defensive bashing B's response and attempting to make them see the "error" in their ways. It's unnecessary. If A is curious about why B believes what they believe there is a polite way of asking, but if A just simply doesn't believe, A doesn't have to say anything (after all the fact that A does eat pork tells B that A doesn't agree with their beliefs). We know that if B told A they shouldn't eat pork for religious reason, B would be upset, why does B thinks its ok to suggest A should eat pork? This iteration plays out for plenty of topics (perhaps all topics): if someone is politely expressing an opinion or displaying an opinion/action that is not affecting you, why are you trying to "correct" it to your way of thinking?
Sometimes, this over concern for others is a side-effect of jealousy. Once I was silent during a conversation with some people who were complaining about college students driving "nice" cars. They were upsetting themselves and getting angry because students at the college were driving BMWs, Lexus, Hummers, etc. Eventually they asked me why I wasn't bothered. Never mind the fact that "nice" is relative--a BMW is probably like a cheap car to someone like Bill Gates; I mean at that point we're talking Ferrari, Aston Martin, Rolls Royce, etc. Never mind the fact that their BMW may have been a hand me down from Mom and Dad or Grandma and Grandpa. Never mind that said college student could actually be a 35 year old who came back to school for some reason or a student who works and pays portions (possibly all) of the car note themself. The bottom line I had to remind them, they weren't paying for it! The insurance note, the car note, the gas (which would have been the only quip I could understand because pollution would affect them...)--not a single debt is incurred to their name from the choice of car these people decide to drive. So why then where they so concerned about what these students drove?
It's obvious that this preoccupation with what someone else drives is rooted in jealousy. However, jealousy isn't always the reason. Why would someone be jealous of how ordered my steak when they can order it however they want? Why would someone be jealous that I like this show or that show, that I ascribe to this belief or that belief?
On many occasions I've found that people today do not understand how to simply disagree without forcing their opinion as "the right opinion." I have often had people confront an opinion as though it were an attack, as though there was fear that if we don't share the same opinion, I would petition courts to have my opinion enforced as law. I think people have forgotten that it is alright to have different preferences, opinions, and actions. If someone is existing in their own bubble, you don't have to insert yourself into the bubble and start an argument. If it does not affect you, there is no reason for you to try to change it. I'm not sure what led us to this inability to respect diversity amongst people, but we really need to get a grip and reclaim some basic principles of respect.
