Ok, so that's a drastic example but let's talk about some real quotes that came out of nowhere:
On her friend's new girlfriend: "I like her because she's a little chunky and has some meat on her bones."
On grad school acceptance: "You only made it because you're light skinned."
On dating in general: "I don't like dark girls/guys."
Say what?????? I hoped not to see this in 2013, but I did.
So I'm breaking this issue in to two topics (but really it boils down to the same problem).
The Body Image Issue
vs
I'm glad Dove is featuring a realistic spectrum of women. We need that. Though at the same time, I'm still a touch disappointed that not one of the realistic women looks like me. Two ends of the spectrum are still missing. Yeah, everyone who's been called fat and told they're overweight hates Victoria's Secret's campaign ad but as someone who is NATURALLY a size 1 (yes I eat, and yes I eat greasy, fried, not good for you foods) I'd like to be included in the spectrum as "real." I'm sure there are some bigger ladies that would like to be included too... If we're letting the media define beauty (which is a bad idea) I'm all for the support of all body types. Unfortunately, switching to the phrase "real women have curves" is still going to leave some women feeling "ugly."
It's not a secret that the media glorifies skinny people. I am in no way down playing this issue. However, for a few years, I've noticed that in cases where no one has said anything about weight or appearance at all, bigger girls often say snide comments about smaller girls most of which translate to "I don't like you because you're skinny and I'm not."
It's not a secret that the media glorifies skinny people. I am in no way down playing this issue. However, for a few years, I've noticed that in cases where no one has said anything about weight or appearance at all, bigger girls often say snide comments about smaller girls most of which translate to "I don't like you because you're skinny and I'm not."
That being said, I'm sure a lot of bigger girls have caught flack from both genders. The grass isn't greener on the other side. -_- Guess what? So have I. So for my plus sized ladies, I'd like to let you know that we aren't so different. People tell you to stop eating? People accuse me of not eating at all--maybe it sounds funny to you, but being accused of anorexia on a weekly basis is quite annoying, especially when you eat more than you're supposed to. Guys say you don't have a nice body? Guys tell me I'm not thick enough. You can't find your size? Guess what, neither can I.
Ladies, there is no such thing as the perfect shape and size (ok, well the media says there is but unless you're paying a doctor to create it we aren't actually made that way). There are beautiful things about everyone. Some people have mainstream beauty, some people have unique beauty. You don't have to tear one down because you feel some kinda way about your own stature. I've never said something so someone about their weight; I've never picked on someone because they were "fat" I'm an advocate for normal looking female in the media, but realize that I, too, am normal. Respect starts with learning to accept yourself, then you are free to accept others faults and all.
It takes a lot of work, but we've got to get to a point where we can say look in the mirror, say "eff the world," and love what we see staring back at us. Forget the media! It starts with us.
The Color Struck Issue
Any phrase with dark or light skinned in it (other than basic description) annoys me to no end. Like the skinny/fat issue, I don't think there's a winning side of this equation. I've heard everything from "you're pretty for a dark skinned girl" to "you think you cute because you're light skinned." As mentioned earlier someone suggested I was accepted to grad school because I was light skinned. When I posed the point that I had a 4.0 until the end of my junior year, and still managed just above a 3.8 when I graduated, he suggested my professors gave me a pass because I was light skinned. I already have white people accusing me of only being there because of affirmative action, now my own people want to say I'm only there because I'm light skinned!?
I've also been sworn out that I had to be mixed--never mind that by saying you're black you are already acknowledging that you aren't 100% African. People have called me a liar when I say both of my parents are "black." Do people really think that's something worth lying about? Really? Well more than one person told me I didn't count because when you look in my high school yearbook, I'm the one black kid in all the honor societies, and I don't "pop out." Gee, thanks.
Truth be told I went through a phase where I wished I was dark skinned. Not because I thought one was better than the other. This is SC, we all get called nigger eventually. I just always admired darker skin--you guys never have acne (or so it seems), and you don't turn red when its cold. Also, people don't ask you "what" you are or come up to speaking a foreign language expecting you to understand it.
But we project our personal insecurities on to what people say. I've done it myself. We take offense when color hasn't been mentioned at all. For instance, someone says a light skinned girl is pretty and you jump straight to it's because she's light skinned. Yes there is a cultural history of devaluing darker women but does that mean she can't be pretty just because? Not everyone is considered pretty just because of their complexion. Similarly I'm sure not everyone is kicked to the curb just because they are dark skinned. I agree there should be more better equality between us. Black comes in all shades and we should all be equally represented. I can't help it that I'm light, you can't help it that you're dark. So why are these conversations still popping up?
New years resolutions:
- positive pride
- not to utter the words light-skinned or dark-skinned for any reason
You're welcome to join me.
